no lesbianism, pornography or marijuana? Jesus, what have you done??

hmmm...i don't think she's kidding, y'all:



ok...so my first reaction was to be upset with this chick. a little horrified (like "a little pregnant...")...and i felt sorry for her. but then i realized...there's someone else i need to point my frustrations at. and that someone is my homeboy, Jesus. so here's my open letter to Jesus (that im making up right now):

"DUDE. whats up man? um...i know a lot of people believe in you and turn to you in the best and worst of times in their lives. you're cool as hell. but uh...why'd you take all of ol' girl's GOOD shit away from her? perhaps its because you've never gone down on a woman before, so you didn't know what you were doing to this chick. but let me tell you, its GOOD times. i mean its like...the most fun ive ever had. and ive been to Disney World! (i've even been known to ride the monorail harder than any other bitch out there...from time to time ;-) @ jescas...cause you know, my friend jescas is reading my letter to Jesus)

as i was sayin...i got nothing but love for you or the idea of you bro, but tellin' that chick to give up women, porn and weed...was some shady ass shit. can i please escalate my call to your supervisor? cause i think you made a mistake.

go ahead and take the weed. the vision of you smokin weed on a cloud will make my drunken nights SO much more entertaining. and ya know, take the porn too, if you have a quota to fill. but for the love of...well...YO DADDY...give the woman back her love of pussy!

and while im still sittin' on your lap, i have one last request. please...never, ever...never-ever-ever-ever...take away my love for pussy either. if you ever did, id make a youtube video and id sing the chorus to that Leanne Rhimes song, "How Do I Live?" over and over again.

i won't take up any more of your time. i know you got things to do. by the way, GREAT job on Katharine Mcphee, Cat Deeley, Rachel Shelley and most of the women at L.A. PRIDE this weekend. you're really good at *women*. you should make more of them. ooh! and im sorry i couldn't get you on the list at The Lobby on Santa Monica Blvd Saturday night. it was mayhem. next time fo sho' though!"